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11/20/2009 疯狂的隐喻因为我的病就是没有感觉。
-- 崔健
 在上个世纪的七十年代，苏珊桑塔格写了《疾病的隐喻》Illness As Metaphor，文章的一开头她就说：“疾病是生命的阴面，是一重更麻烦的公民身份。”疾病的隐喻究竟是什么呢？它的隐喻就是：疾病被当作修辞手法或者延伸而出的象征意义和身份，加诸于患者了。这样的隐喻，往往是种阴暗的存在，它加诸予患者的痛苦甚至远远超过疾病本身。苏珊桑塔格写作这篇文章的原动力是来自于她自己的癌症经历。
我们的身体和灵魂就是在这样彼此强行使对方超载的游戏中疲于奔命和随时面临崩溃的。
电影 Shine，中译 《闪亮的风采》，是一场关于疯狂的隐喻。
疯狂的钢琴天才戴维•赫尔夫戈特 David Helfgott，在我的眼中是完整的正常人。当看到他在影片的最后一段钢琴演出后，在观众久久无法止息的掌声和欢呼声中，孤独的站在舞台上痛哭时，我想我是了解导演和编剧的善意的。可以被最终饶恕和理解的疯狂，一定是来源于某些知情者的善意吧，而非故事本身。
人的身体所能承载和运作的天才灵感和精神所能忍受的痛苦和欲望都该是有极限的吧。当David 在那架老钢琴上练习拉赫玛尼诺夫的《D小调第三钢琴协奏曲》时，一个琴键在某个0.1秒时彻底崩溃了，这是对David 随后汇报演出时，精神崩溃最终走向疯狂的最佳预言。
天才的疯狂往往是不难预测的，正如正常人被训练出来的疯狂的正常。
疯狂的隐喻，对我而言就是重生的可能性。当我们最终学会那个 let go 的姿态，生命是否会出现一个全新的自由状态呢？
影片里非常经典的一幕是~David戴着随身听，里面放的是Vivaldi 的 Gloria ，在湛蓝的天空下，藉着蹦床和音乐，David 似乎冲上了蓝天……
11/4/2009 I am forever the Smarter one ! Woody Allen 的厌世已经到了乐观的程度。你很难了解他究竟有多自恋和多悲观，也很难了解他有多较真和有多调侃。
他09年的电影《怎样都行》Whatever Works 属于非常个人特色电影的那一大类：演员突然跳跃出场景和观众讨论剧情，荒诞的情节发展，导演自己人生观和经历的小幅改写，发生在纽约的知识分子的自嘲故事……这样的列举可以一直延续很长，总之，爱 Woody Allen 的人，似乎一看之下就能认出他的风格。 影片的演员阵容也和以往这一类影片相似，人数非常多，而且戏份也比较平均，总让你感觉每个人都是本色出演似的，加强了电影本身的真实感~观影者偶尔会混淆剧情和自己的人生。 主演 Larry David ， 曾经看过它自编自演的一部Curb Your Enthusiasm，抑制热情。是我比较喜欢的的一部美剧，小人物的自嘲和自愉自乐。 感觉Woody骨子里是超级自恋的，似乎发生任何事情都不会影响到他的这种自恋。片尾他总结说：You see ? I am the only one who sees the whole picture, that's why I am a genius. 你看，我是唯一一个看可以看到世界真相的人，所以我才是天才。 10/18/2009 Illness, Insanity & Death如果有人也喜欢蒙克的话，可以看看这一部~EDVARD MUNCH。
据说这部当年在英国BBC播放后，被评论家们称作了催眠电影。
自己看完最大的感触是，欧洲这一百多年间的变化太大了。
这个版本不全，全片3个小时，这个只有一半，谁有全的分享下吧。
导演 Peter Watkins 的主页：http://pwatkins.mnsi.net/index.htm
 10/12/2009 Sibling Rivalry & Death & Pain （有剧透，提醒先！） 最近似乎好象泪点比较低，这一部也看哭了。
看这部电影主要是看到女主角是我喜欢的 Anne Hathway，然后又听说导演是曾经执导《沉默的羔羊》的那一位。据说这位导演先生去拍Documentary了很长时间，又突然回来拍了这一部，想来也是有感而发吧。我还是比较喜欢有感而发的电影，而不是为戏剧化而戏剧的那一种~这类的影片最近也刚巧看了一部~Benjamin Barton。
安小姐的表演非常投入，让我在看的过程中常常就自动代入她的角色，然后难过到不行。不知道我怎么这么理解这些抑郁和有自毁倾向的角色，通常最能代入的便是这一类的角色~不知道这种算不算是悲心。
安小姐在片中是刚刚从Rehab~中文应该就是指自愿戒毒所里出来的一个问题女孩，刚巧她的姐姐在其后的几天里要举行婚礼，于是安小姐回家的巨大压力加上不适应就和姐姐婚礼之前的混乱与喜悦都交织在了一起。安小姐已经有了很长时间的吸毒史并且因为吸食毒品后神智不清的情况下驾车而出了车祸，而她年幼的弟弟也在这场车祸中丧生，安小姐因为不能原谅自己而选择了更加自毁的生活方式，不断的辗转在戒毒医院与戒毒医院之间。虽然安小姐的爸爸对她表现了无私的爱护与宽容，但是这样的保护却更加深了她对自己非正常状态的愤怒与焦虑；并且父亲对安小姐的过度关注也让安小姐的姐姐感到不平衡~似乎闯了大祸的那一个得到了所有的爱，乖巧的这一个却被忽视掉了，需要自生自灭。安小姐在影片中的表演非常到位的一点就是，当姐姐的婚礼即将到来而成为大家的焦点时，她的焦虑和不安全感也变得不可招架了。这样的感觉大概没有兄弟姐妹的人很难体会，尤其是在心理不稳定时，这种 sibling rivalry 是非常难以控制的，是一种又爱又妒的强烈的情感。
影片里让我眼泪大举失控的一段是姐妹俩吵架的一段，父亲非常想平息这场来势凶猛的争吵，但是反而激发了姐姐更大的怒火，姐姐认为，自从车祸发生弟弟死去以后大家都非常支持安小姐的康复之路，但是安小姐却一直用谎言应对痛苦和治疗，所以姐姐说，弟弟死去之后，她希望安小姐或者能康复或者就干脆死掉算了，而妹妹安小姐看起来根本没有希望心理康复（其实我觉得姐姐有激将法的嫌疑，姐姐在片中是个修心理学的博士生），而且家人在她心里也没有任何的位置。这下彻底点燃了安小姐最深的恐惧的怒火，记得里面的台词是：“ who do I have to be now? I would be mother Teresa, it still won't make any difference what I did. Did I sacrifice every bit of my love in this life because I killed my little brother ? I am sorry ... I am sorry ... I am sorry ....“
我想死亡真是很难面对的一个事实，特别是当你要为某人的死亡负责任时。这个小生命来到安小姐的人生大概就是要给她上这样的一节人生死亡课吧！
影片的结尾我也非常喜欢，完全是故事没有讲完的状态，让大家自己去猜想安小姐接下来的人生，当然猜想永远不会是事实，这也是这样结尾的可爱之处，象一部纪录片一样。
再有就是影片使用了很多的长镜头，也是给人很强的现实感，情绪随着镜头的摇动而摇动。影片的音乐也是有趣，弄了个乐队，在影片里是婚礼上请来的乐队，但是随性的乐声从头即兴到尾，非常有意思，还有剧中姐夫角色的SAXOPHONE吹的让人想起CHET BAKER。 9/19/2009 遇到猛片了，吐了！ 如题目~吐了！
我们的金牛座导演，我彻底被他征服了~
据说Lars von trier在拍片过程中仍然是深度抑郁症，抑郁症已经伴随他N年之久了。
建议心理承受能力不佳的人慎看。
自认为在观影方面已经是很成熟的人了，当年看索多玛120天也未见如此反应，这一部居然把我看吐了。
我这里不剧透了，有兴趣的就去找来看吧，我想我这么一讲一定反而会激起某些人的兴趣：） 8/21/2009 关于角色扮演  本月的惊喜之一是CC重出了路易.马勒的和安德鲁共进晚餐，并且是双张，第二张D5里有CC对两个主演兼编剧的长达1个多钟头的采访，还有WALLACE SHAWN 对LOUIS MALLE的一场晚餐，LOUIS MALLE谈自己的电影创作，内容非常精彩。最遗憾的就是，路易.马勒已经辞世了，ANDRE GREGORY在采访中也调侃的谈到，很遗憾LOUIS MALLE已经不在了，不然倒是可以倒腾出来个续集，当然这也是笑谈了，通常尊重创作的导演和编剧都不喜欢用续集的噱头，那都是好莱坞的垃圾作品的赚钱路数。不过，ANDRE GREGORY还是有说，如果他活到85，WALLACE SHAWN 活到75，他们要找个旅馆大堂的摇椅坐下对谈在第一集中没有谈到的一个话题~SEX。好期待！
影片长一个小时50分钟，整个过程就是ANDRE GREGORY 和WALLACE SHAWN 的对谈，很多人说这是一部催眠的最佳电影，因为看惯大片的人会觉得电影怎么可以这么拍，连个女主角都没有，更别提漂亮女主角啦，而且没有情节，就是两个老男人从头说到尾。但是对我来说，这部电影里的智慧是特别特别稀有的，能碰到这样的电影真是可以开心很久。有趣的是编剧加主演的ANDRE GREGORY居然是跟我生日只差一天的金牛座。
我要忍住不能把电影内容全部敲出来，只是来说说电影里提到的一个问题~角色扮演。ANDRE说到现在人与家人和朋友的关系很奇特，并不是自然的感情产物，而常常是每个人在家里扮演着各种各样的角色~父亲，丈夫，儿子，在外面扮演某某和某某的朋友。这是什么意思呢，就是说，似乎每个人心里都有一本手册告诉你，做父亲应该是什么样子的，丈夫又应该是什么样子的，作儿子和朋友又该是什么样子的，似乎你的感情和正常反应已经没那么重要了，关键是要按手册小心翼翼的去做个标准的父亲，儿子，丈夫，朋友，这样就没问题了。不需要用自己的头脑思考，不要正常流露你的情感。ANDRE说他的钱包里一直有着一张他妻子26岁时的照片，她纤瘦，挑逗，青春无限，坐在天台的椅子上舒展着身体。他一直在照片里都看到自己性感的妻子。直到很多年后，他经历的无数的事情，在以色列出游时拿出这张照片，他才看到了照片上是个全世界最悲伤的女人……他以往太专注于扮演丈夫的角色，并没有真正的去看妻子，倾听妻子。
这样的对话对我来说非常有启发性；看看身边的人，大部分就像ANDRE描述的一样，不用自己的头脑思考问题，不敢流露自己的真实感情，说得好听点是活得像机器，说得不好听就是一具一具的行尸走肉。父亲母亲们每天只想着赚钱，赚钱的方式也是手册里告诉他们的，似乎赚到钱，供孩子读书上大学然后无法找到工作再和其他家长一样开始焦虑抱怨才是正道。为什么这些父母的想法都如此的相似，似乎都是早年在同一个地方洗得脑，我想那个地方大概也是他们送孩子去“受教育”的地方。他们忙于扮演家长的角色已经忘记了生活本身~生活是用来生活的，不是用来靠惯性滑动的。
前一段时间还看了LOUIS MALLE 的烈火情人（FATALE），天蝎座的导演关注的主题永远都是性和死亡，有时也会带上金钱。这也是一部非常好的电影，也推荐下。
7/24/2006 A girl tuning Jazz To my dear Vincent
Spring is definitely the season to travel, full of energy, while not too queasy. That’s when I met little fairy Vincent for real (of cause if you don’t believe fairies are real, please don’t read on at all!).
When I finally realized I should just jump the hell on the pedicab with Vincent, she had already done the bargain with the driver and shown me a wondering smile saying “what the hell you are talking about??!! “ Since I just claimed I’d take another pedicab myself. She must have thought I was somehow crazy – 2 girls taking separate pedicabs, what’s the matter with me! I explained that I was wondering if it’s too much for the driver, Vincent says “No worries, it’s his job, he surely will manage that! “. She is damn right …. The driver kept pedaling, at the same time, looking back with a big smile and talking loudly at us, which was surely scary in the busy traffic as it was, “You must be a businessman (he referred to Vincent), and you (now it’s me), you work for the government, don’t you ?” I suppose it’s easy to get that conclusion for him. Although the fact is, Vincent kinda worked for the government, and I was perfectly jobless back then.
Vincent chose a pedicab over a Taxi, she said it’s not polluting and she’d like better him to earn the money. I paused a little and said to her:” You know, for what you just said, someone could fall in love with you totally.” It is Lou Reed’s love for Andy, it is Echo’s love for Picasso, and it is my love for Van Gogh, it’s at all possible and beautiful to love someone for one’s spontaneous kindness and dreamer behavior ….
You know, I call Vincent a fairy because she can be so mysterious sometimes! I used to be a regular visitor to XICI, and I found some articles quite of her style, written by some guy called Mirror of A Witch, so I asked her if it was hers. She called me a fantast as a denial of it, but on the following Christmas I received her present parcel, inside was there a book --- Witches Abroad. It’s a mysterious story about busy traveling witches and a magical mirror! It might be only a joke or something else … you can’t guess everything, can you?!
I think about it like this: witches have witchcraft; fairies have magic arts, so in a way, they are not so different as long as they help people be happy and can fly everywhere to travel ^^
Are you asking me why I call her a girl tuning Jazz? Of course she is like that, she is so unpredictable and diversified, sometimes she is like a pink bunny jumping up side down with pink balloons in hand and talking alien as well, sometimes she is like a quiet peach tree meditating in the breeze and some rainbow aura mirage-forming above her head, you simply can not tell what’s the next magic she is going to use and what’s kind of bizarre ideas are gestating under that rainbow-shaped aura!
In one of Robert Wyatt’s interviews he says “I think I prefer the mystic clouds of nostalgia than the real thing”, and it’s exactly why I love his music and love him as an old birdie so very much. They say that all the visionaries are more likely to die very young and the curse can’t be lifted … But it’s so untrue, all the old fabulous souls are still flying in the air and we’ve still got little fairies around us flying too! See? My old birdie is still making wonderful music and come on, I just saw Vincent spreading her little sparkling golden magic powder here and there in the air ^^ What you say ?
6/7/2006 是不是童话？江滨柳：好像梦中的景象。 云之凡：好像一切都停止了。 暗恋桃花源-- 剧开篇   我懊恼过自己不是独生子女，虽然当年会被编入计划外产品的人是我。和八零年代的孩子谈论这个大概是不会有怎么的切身之感吧，他们大概认为一个，本来就是一个的，而我们常常思考：是有个姐姐好还是有个哥哥好。
想大话西游里的青霞和紫霞，常常就觉得似乎我和姐姐也是那个样子，两个人明明象有仇一样的合不来，却生生地被捻成了一根灯芯，互相泼冷水，彼此不顺眼，无休止的闹；但是，自家的姐妹，又是绝对不许别人来伤害的，谁敢动我妹子，我与你拼命的。
童话故事之所以是童话故事，是因为它们单纯的不象话吧。
所以当我们自己的生活也看似单纯的不象话，就开始觉得太童话，不似真的人间故事。
谁知道呢，也许这本来就只是童话，因为我得了奇怪的法门近来了，虽然遗忘了到底，HOW。
1/2/2006 The HoursDear Leonard,
to look life in the face,
always ... to look life in the face,
and to know it, for what it is,
and at last to know it,
to love it, for what it is...
and then...
to put it away.
Leonard,
always the years between us,
always the years,
always, the love,
always ....
The Hours.
------ Virginia Woolf
Little House on the Prairie
On my way home, some scene of an American TV series I watched from time to time when I was fairly young, jumped into my mind, this little girl named Laura was sad and crying, then her Dad came, tried to comfort her. Here is the conversation between them, I could not remember the exact words, but it should be alot like this :
Laura : Why have the kind to suffer and to get hurt ?
( She was crying really sad . )
Her Dad approching and touching her hair softly: Not always, honey, remember ? Lincoln wan the battle at last and he got the country together and the slaves liberated.
Laura : But he was assasinated, wasn't he ?
..........
This life would look so ugly sometimes, it makes me wanna give up. And it's not so hard to get desperate these day, is it ?
But still, as long as I have those little expectations for love, I shall desire this existence restlessly.
I said to Vincent the other day that I was afraid of losing the ability to love, and the idea was as scary as the one that I might get hurt by loving someone. She said that I was just getting all polished & powered for the right one to come. That's so sweet of her
   I suppose, since we all tried so hard, the reward was already there. Might be invisible right now, but it's there. Like Laura's Dad's words, although the example got beaten down so easily, she still got nurtured by it in a way.
At least, we tried so hard.
I like the movie, The Hours, so very much. I'd mention it time and time again, and those lines in the movie, they would come to my mind no matter I am happy or sad, like some memories of my own life. It's so strange, I guess it's just touched my heart in a weird way.
My life is getting so simple these days, and my flagrant patience with books are finally becoming satisfactory. I am so so grateful.
Simple life, simple expectations, just let me the time.....
 L: Why does someone have to die?
V: Leonard?
L: In your book, is that someone have to die? Why? Is this a stupid question?
V: No.
L: Let me know if my question is stupid.
V: Not at all.
L: Well?
V: Someone has to die in order to the rest|should have a life more. It is a contrast.
L: And who will die? Tell me.
V: The poet will die. The visionary.
------ From the movie, The Hours
Credits of the pictures and etc :
12/26/2005 There is something we shall simply never mention.We need to appear OK, so let's wear an OK-look.
Why have we to look so OK ? Because if you don't, you'd better stay home for everybody's sake.
It's simply just for convinience, you know, and it's gonna save you a great deal of time from explaining & listening to the bull-shit.
Joyce got a little pissed off with some TV programme about depression, from which I can tell that she is not so judgemental as I am. 'cause she would watch it at the first place.
Being very judgemental about certain things.
It's another obsession of mine.
Can we say, obsession is a kind of obsession ?
How do you define certain word exactly, but not using the word itself ?
Got distracted like this all the time.
Thinking of some vin blanc, and its fate of being on a journey so damn long, finally got broken by some stranger postman.
It's so sad. You know, that feeling, things are happening around, but you won't have a tiny clue.
Nice things being broken, people dying.
So bad.
My grandma died when I was in High School.
But I only had a stupid dream that she came back home one day and told me she was hungry.
I hope she wasn't really hungry no matter where she was.
And I hope you people who understands this one little piece, just keep quiet, would you ?
I just need to let some of it off my chest, sometimes. That's all.
12/22/2005 I am just a big big bird ^^ I just reread the Chapter 21 in the little prince, guess what I find ? I am no fox at all !!
Their blues ( here refering to the blues of the rose & the fox & the little prince too ) won't be my blues then, I am happy for myself ^^
I am gonna find a southern town & be a southern beauty ( Not that much as Vincent can be though ^^) there.
 P.S.: Did you guys find that all the characters in the book, the little prince, had severe communication problems !!
 Where is my nice nice birdie daddy !12/20/2005 会不会爱字说的太多?你还记得和你的第一个恋人,
说过多少次我爱你吗 ?
我完全都不记得.
酒醉的记忆.
在西伺翻旧帖, 这是我的爱好之一.
西伺扮宝藏山洞, 我扮阿里巴巴, 时间扮四十大盗.
翻到这张图. 主人是巫婆的镜子.
爱呵.
 节日来了,
扑点颜色上来应个景.
 上面这张是 ROBERT WYATT 的唱片, ROCK BOTTOM 的封面.
还有下面那篇 LOVE 的插图, 也是她的作品.
他唱片的很多封面都是她来画的, 他说她是诗人& 画家.
Alfreda Benge. ROBERT 的老婆.
他们住在英格兰郊外的一所房子里,
有一次, 两个人接受采访, 都穿唐装, 很可爱的样子.
12/2/2005 LOST IN TRANSLATIONNICE WEB, LOTS OF TRILLERS !
 Any idea who is that JOHN in the movie ??
It's Frank in Friends, Pheobe's little bro & once, a guy who dropped a condom in Pheobe's guitar case
 I am good, am't I ??
 Have a nice nice week-end all my dear honey 们
  & Go to hell, all arrogant & stupid a******s in the world !
最近本地会频繁的出现粗口, 如果感觉有碍观瞻的就不用光临鸟.
11/28/2005 Rosemary's Baby--- Dear Mia
Mia Farrow was born on February 9, 1945 in Los Angeles California. Her father was the writer and director and actor, John Farrow. Her mother was Maureen O'Sullivan a famous actress in her own right (well known as Jane in several of the Tarzan movies). Mia’s real name is Maria de Lourdes Villiers Farrow. She is well known for her many movies, including Rosemary’s Baby which gained her world wide recognition. She was also the young bride of Frank Sinatra (see photo). Later she married the famous composer and director Andre Previn. Over the years she has had several children of her own and has adopted many others. There she is to the right with several of those children. For many years she was romantically involved with Woody Allen. This relationship broke up when Allen seduced Mia’s daughter Soon-Yi. Accusations of child abuse were also raised. Mia has 14 children: twins Matthew Phineas and Sascha Villiers, and Fletcher (all with Previn), Satchel O'Sullivan Farrow (with Allen), (now called Seamus), Soon-Yi Previn, Lark Song Previn, Summer Song (called Daisy) Previn, Moses Amadeus Farrow (called. Misha Farrow, adopted with Allen), Dylan O'Sullivan Farrow (called Eliza, adopted with Allen), Isaiah Farrow, Tam Farrow, Keili-Shea Farrow, Gabriel Wilk Farrow. Tam Farrow died in March of 2000 of a heart ailment.
Mia has continued her activities as a special representative of the United Nations Children’s Fund and UNICEF and regularly visits Africa to promote the health and safety of children. ABOVE INFOR IS A QUOTE FROM HER WEBSITE
all the movies she was in ... so when I get old, don't have to worry about no movies to seeeeee
The girl who looks young all her life!
She is my fairy
11/23/2005 TOM & MHOW ARE YOU ?
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The girl in Rosemary's Baby
The girl with the angel's eyes
I haven't seen all of them, good to know this 
m
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